The Toe Store

Where Dirtbunny goes to get her toes done.

DeadToMe (tm)

What happens to those beloved by Dirtbunny who commit unforgivable acts. So far, no one has ever come back from DeadToMe status. What can I say? Dirtbunny knows how to hold a grudge, especially against people to whom she gave her heart.

Viola

Nickname of ACF Fiorentina, of Firenze, so known because of their purple kit.

The Donkeys

Chievo Verona, an Italian football club in Verona (duh!) used to be so bad that their cross-town rivals said they would make it to Serie A when donkeys flew. So now they are in Serie A and have adopted the moniker Flying Donkeys as a matter of pride. Pretty cool, huh?

WCQ

World Cup Qualifier

Who the Hey is Kakha Kaladze?

He's a futboller, of course, from Georgia (the European one, not the American one), who plays central defense for AC Milan and the Georgian national team.


On the pitch, he plays rough, and looks rough--as in maybe he went straight to the dressing room from last night's party and didn't have time to shower or shave and maybe hasn't slept since Thursday and maybe he smells like vodka and cigarettes and hoochies--or maybe the assistant coach found him passed out in the hotel lobby and had to dump ice water on him to roust him and get him to the game. Here he is in Rossoneri (duh) marking Javier Zanetti (in Nerazzurri)---oooops, I mean Julio Cruz:






He cleans up pretty good, or at least we have the technology to airbursh those dark circles one sees under his eyes in the candid photos.

But he also has the unfortunate tendency to pose for photographers who tread in that dangerous territory where art and fashion stops being arty or fashiony and becomes just plain embarrassing.

*sigh* Poor baby. I think Dirtbunny can be of assistance here. Cheer up, Tiger. Bunny's got your back.

Golf is not a sport

We hates it. Hates it.

Gigi

Are you living under a rock? Here's Gigi:

He's all about the win. And the love. It isn't clear, but he might be holding hands with ADP in this one.

No? Oh well then. False alarm.

Toto

this guy

Quag

Another word with two definitions.

Here is one.

The second one is a code word for a certain bodily fluid that comes exclusively from men. If you were in Dirtbunny's posse from way back in law school when she wasn't worried about being vulgar in public, you already knew that.

ADP

Alex Del Piero, living legend, professional good sport, Italian footballer, family man, and otherwise apparently perfect human being. Dirtbunny's Doppelganger (or not) in the world of Calcio.









Don't get me wrong. I do love him. I'm only a little sarcastic. But Jeez. Can anyone really be as perfect as he is depicted in the press?





OK. He's not perfect. There's the golf thing. That's a blemish.


More ways in which we are the same:

• We are both big honking divas. Who else saw him toss his coat into the dugout after he got subbed out against Fiorentina? Dude actually had to issue a statement downplaying it. Also, any man with sideburns that didn't just end up that way by accident has diva tendencies.
• ADP not called up for gli Azzurri and not started for Juve against Catania in favor of giant wanker Iaquinta. Bunny also has her professional disappointments, but we are not going there.
• Oranges! Yum.
• ADP: Coach, why am I on the bench? Bunny: Bossboy, may I have more work please? Bossboy: What do you need more work for?

And more ways in which we are different:

• ADP is beloved by everyone. Dirtbunny is in disgrace.
• Dirtbunny has the good sense not to shave her head.
• Dirtbunny is not short.

Banana

Bunny's upper-level boss. He's the Big Banana, the Grand Poohbah, etc.

Bossboy

Bunny's boss. We love him. He loves us. All is well.

Calcio

Italian for soccer.

FC Dirtbunny: The Rules

1. Dirtbunny can have as many players as she wants.
2. Dirtbunny is infinitely rich and subject to no earthly salary cap (thank goodness).
3. Dirtbunny does not have to be concerned about position balance.
4. Just because Dirtbunny doesn't tell you all of her reasons for drafting a particular player doesn't mean she doesn't have any.
5. No one ever turns down an offer from Dirtbunny.
6. FC Dirtbunny has a strict douchebag policy. Insolent hairstyles or facial hair could result in placement of a player on a watch list, or daily fines until the hair issues are resolved.
7. Leave your wives and girlfriends at home. Dirtbunny is your girlfriend now.
8. I like my margaritas on the rocks, not frozen, made from scratch, and with a little salt. Drinks made with margarita mixes of any kind are not acceptable.
9. Don't be an asshat off the pitch. Specifically, do not head-butt any concrete walls or other obviously hard surfaces and give yourself a debilitating head injury for no reason other than you are stupid.
10. Jeez. It's just for fun.

Did Dirtbunny Ever Get Over That Cold?

It's hard to say. Every time Bunny has declared victory over the cold, it has come back with a vengeance. It comes down to this: Bunny feels much better, so why tempt fate?