ADP

Alex Del Piero, living legend, professional good sport, Italian footballer, family man, and otherwise apparently perfect human being. Dirtbunny's Doppelganger (or not) in the world of Calcio.









Don't get me wrong. I do love him. I'm only a little sarcastic. But Jeez. Can anyone really be as perfect as he is depicted in the press?





OK. He's not perfect. There's the golf thing. That's a blemish.


More ways in which we are the same:

• We are both big honking divas. Who else saw him toss his coat into the dugout after he got subbed out against Fiorentina? Dude actually had to issue a statement downplaying it. Also, any man with sideburns that didn't just end up that way by accident has diva tendencies.
• ADP not called up for gli Azzurri and not started for Juve against Catania in favor of giant wanker Iaquinta. Bunny also has her professional disappointments, but we are not going there.
• Oranges! Yum.
• ADP: Coach, why am I on the bench? Bunny: Bossboy, may I have more work please? Bossboy: What do you need more work for?

And more ways in which we are different:

• ADP is beloved by everyone. Dirtbunny is in disgrace.
• Dirtbunny has the good sense not to shave her head.
• Dirtbunny is not short.

Banana

Bunny's upper-level boss. He's the Big Banana, the Grand Poohbah, etc.

Bossboy

Bunny's boss. We love him. He loves us. All is well.

Calcio

Italian for soccer.

FC Dirtbunny: The Rules

1. Dirtbunny can have as many players as she wants.
2. Dirtbunny is infinitely rich and subject to no earthly salary cap (thank goodness).
3. Dirtbunny does not have to be concerned about position balance.
4. Just because Dirtbunny doesn't tell you all of her reasons for drafting a particular player doesn't mean she doesn't have any.
5. No one ever turns down an offer from Dirtbunny.
6. FC Dirtbunny has a strict douchebag policy. Insolent hairstyles or facial hair could result in placement of a player on a watch list, or daily fines until the hair issues are resolved.
7. Leave your wives and girlfriends at home. Dirtbunny is your girlfriend now.
8. I like my margaritas on the rocks, not frozen, made from scratch, and with a little salt. Drinks made with margarita mixes of any kind are not acceptable.
9. Don't be an asshat off the pitch. Specifically, do not head-butt any concrete walls or other obviously hard surfaces and give yourself a debilitating head injury for no reason other than you are stupid.
10. Jeez. It's just for fun.

Did Dirtbunny Ever Get Over That Cold?

It's hard to say. Every time Bunny has declared victory over the cold, it has come back with a vengeance. It comes down to this: Bunny feels much better, so why tempt fate?