Some of The Man's Unfortunate Traits

1. Cluelessness. Hey! You! I have a blog! Just like last week! And just like last month! Read it! This means, of course, that I can say stuff about him and he won't know unless I remind him to read the blog.
2. An annoying combination of utter forgetfulness and a Rain-Man-like capacity for sports and political trivia recall. Can he hang up his coat? No. Can he remember to take his shirts to the cleaners before he completely runs out? Often, no. Where did he put Tiki's harness? No. Have you seen his shoes? No. How many electoral votes did Bob Dole get in 1996, and from which states? Yes.
3. He pretends he can't hear. Most questions, I have to ask twice before I get any kind of response. He's in his own world.
4. He tends not to actually answer the question. I'm a lawyer. I want you to answer the question I actually asked. Do not speculate as to what I want to know and try to answer that (unasked) question. Your Honor, move to strike as nonresponsive. Your honor, will you please direct the witness to answer the question with a yes or a no? Okay, maybe half of this is my fault.